Failing motherhood?

 Completely normal. In every way. 

When my kids fight, I get them to kiss each other, hug and apologize. They get back to playing most of the time. If they don't apologize 'properly', they have to do it again until I am satisfied that it was kind and sincere-ish.

I also realize that they fight more when lunch or dinner is late. So I set the timer to stop for a fruit break in between like at 3.15pm.

Having only one kid help at a time is more realistic. One person helps for breakfast, a different person for dinner and a different person for a different chore. The rest has to do something else that may or may not be in the same room. A different room is better.

Laundry room is out of bounds for toddlers.. just about everything is out of bounds. Including toys. It will just be a huge mess if they help themselves to craft or toys without you around to watch what they do or remind them to clean up when they're done. No mess made = no mess to clean up. So eyes on them all the time to avoid mess. Only older kids get sent to another room.

Usually the same person quarrels with everyone and refuses to help out. This one needs extra love, a ton of cuddles, presents, and reassurances. Use all 5 love languages. Happens to also be the most cunning of all and capable. So give this one lots of praise and encouragement. And entrust with bigger stuff.. like more big sister big brother stuff.. like taking care of the littles, taking them potty, changing them, etc.

Also, chores are NOT your responsibility. They are EVERYONE'S responsibility. Your job is to supervise and delegate and to raise children who are responsible. Whatever methods necessary. Some people use star charts, point system, with snacks or games, even money. Do whatever works for your family and suits your belief system. But at the end of the day, the kids need to be responsible and reliable adults.

Grandparents and Parent DIY Gifts

So you've already done your baking and cards.

Now for a handmade voucher to a handmade massage session and a handmade entrance ticket to watch a homemade concert by your favourite little artists. If no time, just a ticket to watch a couple of Got Talent auditions. Don't forget the Golden Button.

Yes, God can speak audibly

 When my dad was 19, God spoke to him audibly for half an hour while showing him visions of him ministering to crowds of people all over the world and told him that He will use him to reach out to the nations. He said I knew you since you were in your mother's womb and called you as a prophet to the nations. Later he read this in Jeremiah. He was a new believer at that time and didn't know many verses. He came from a non-Christian background in a village in Malaysia and was not yet exposed to all these. But he cried the whole time God was speaking to Him.

Jesus also appeared to my mom twice. The first time was when she was pregnant with her first. And the second time when all her 5 kids were sleeping and she was praying in the prayer room. She saw her body still praying and Jesus invited her to walk with Him through the door and around the house where He told her about all the church workers future and who would be leaving and then took her to the kids while they were sleeping and told her about each one. Then he took her back to the room walking right through the door again. All that he said came to pass.

When I was 6, I heard a voice speaking to me. I believe it was an angel. But when I was 17, I heard a loud voice speaking to me when I was in my parents' room. I think that was God. But they didn't hear anything.

God speaks to me all the time. Without Him telling us what to preach, we don't even have a right to be on stage. 

Why did God create Adam? Why did God create humans? To worship Him? No. He has the angels to do that. He doesn't need more worship. He created us because He wanted sons. So He created us in His image. Our purpose in life is to have a relationship with God. We cannot have a relationship with someone we cannot communicate with. We cannot call Him our lover if we don't have a relationship with Him or hear Him.

If you or anyone else wants to hear from God, I am here to help. There's nothing more important in life.

Electronic War

It's an hour and a half drive to the city 🏙️ at least once a week, spend a couple of hours driving around and then back.

Electronics is the start of war for us. Bring it along and it's like bringing a weapon. Get rid of it and have them pack their own bags of books and toys and drawing materials, and food. Yes, we eat in the car because it's the only way to save time...

Also I use that time to read to them and ask questions to make sure they're listening. 

It's worlds apart: electronics is war, crying and shouting from everyone including parents. No electronics means laughing and giggling coming from the back.

Random haters

If your kids randomly hate everything just because they're teenagering, try spending one to one time with her during the week and make it a purposeful date/appointment because they are of age for that now. Older kids need one on one time. Younger kids need that too but especially if they're older.

Certain things we say or did not say or do hurt people and we will never know until we try everything. Maybe check if you've said something or not done something they expected you to do as a mom.

Independent homeschoolers

First off, try joining some unschooling co-ops to give yourself a pet on the back. Kids are kids. We can't expect them to be studious and take full responsibility of their studies even though they are responsible. They don't have the determination even if they understood the seriousness and are 100% in agreement with how important study is. Their brain just hasn't developed to reason and will not fully develop until they are about 35 especially if their boys but that's just the science behind it. Cut them some slack for the simple fact they are kids.

But what we can do is to work with what we have. Try gearing more towards game schooling or fun schooling for now because given the situation, we need to get used to working with kids. This does not necessarily mean electronics. You could even join forest schooling Facebook groups.

Study should be its own inspiration and reward.

No Chance

Our generation struggle for significance by abandoning any hope we have for it; Our legacy, the one thing we leave to destruction.

For hope is abandoned,

our legacy destroyed.

And what is hope but their future,

Our legacy, our children;

Leave them to chance,

we say.

Chance holds no mercy,

it pays no gain.

It is ever the same,

again and again.

Like waves rolling,

and as the sea billows roll,

So let the waves beat,

and see where it takes us,

said no seaman,

ever.

The Marginalized

1. What we really tell the poor:

Earn money. 
But I will not give you a job.

Make money.
But don't try selling anything to me.

Btw, I'm decluttering.. and have tons of stuff for you.
...You should really stop hogging.

We just started a charity organization giving food to those who need it.
But the only thing they want are handouts.

2. What we tell Christian parents

Send your kids to school.
But make sure they don't turn out like the rest of the kids there.

Don't homeschool your kids.
They need to be like the rest of the kids in school.

3. What we tell pastors

Preach the gospel to everyone
But don't talk about Jesus

Stop asking for money.
But you're not allowed to have other sources of income

4. What we tell the government

We need cheap and affordable housing
But we don't want lower class neighbours

Will I really go to Heaven?

Not a crazy question at all, and I am glad you reached out because it is so so important that you have assurance of salvation. It seems to me that what is lacking here is an intimate relationship with the Lord because if you are constantly in a two-way communication, there will be no room for this sort of fear or anxiety because He calls you by name and you hear His voice everyday in your devotion and prayers. Do you hear His voice? If not, find time to read the Bible and ask Him questions or share your heart before reading so that when He replies you on the same topic, you know He is speaking and you are hearing correctly.

The Holy Spirit speaks all the time -- we just need to listen. Worshipping God is like the water you drink, prayer like the air you breathe and the Word like food you eat. 

We pray without ceasing -- prayer is talking to God. We talk to Him about anything and everything from the moment we wake up till the moment we lay our heads and even throughout the night. Prayer is a two-way communication. Keep talking to Him and eventually, He talks back. We just need to recognize His voice. When God speaks, He speaks to our heart. We hear with our hearts, not with our heads. 

When you read the Word, ask Him to show you which book, chapter and verse to read, close your eyes and wait till you see a book, chapter number and verse number, then open to it. But before that, ask Him something regarding your situation so when He replies, you know He speaks.

When you have a wealth of emotion while you worship the Lord, you are worshipping with your heart. Keep it up. Worship is often the easiest when we feel far away from God. It is refreshing indeed -- like water. Worship a few times a day, just sing to the Lord whenever you can -- like drinking water. Can't let a day go by without it.

Jesus Centered Christmas

 Once they know how to read, they get a full NKJV kid bible. I go for the Precious Moments heirloom edition because that's the one my siblings and I received.

A good book will be one that draws them closer to God. I recommend my favourite fiction of all time: Children of the Voice 1,2,3 by Ian Smale

I'm working on a Bible based Advent calendar which goes through Matt 1 and Luke 1-2 with devotionals and activities till Christmas. It's like Elf on the Shelf but letters from mom

Fixed Folding Method

Drawers are a must or everything will land on the floor quicker. Secondly, when it comes to young kids and boys, do the fixed folding method. I don't know what it's called but my nephew sort of invented this way of folding like for travelling where clothes cannot be undone easily but super easy to fold into. You can hit a person with it and it wouldn't come undone.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxDf5ulA2oad558JkQX5wh5oIA411kiBN&si=yiYCBShNWyANTyS0

Ranger Folding Playlist

I asked my nephew about it. He sent me this link. It's not as good as my nephew's improvised version but should do the trick

Homeschooling through Chronic Illnesses

If your state still mandates studies in difficult times like this, here are a few options:

Khan Academy will help with Math. 

As for science, get them to focus on a project like inventing something together. Hopefully something that will help their sibling or family cope with the situation. At this stage, they can just focus on brainstorming and research. 

For language arts, have them write ✍🏻 a life story about what is going on right now and how they feel. Try to encourage descriptive words and metaphors. They can also read books that relates to this situation. One of the books I would recommend is Good Morning, Holy Spirit by Benny Hinn. There is a story at the beginning about being in a hospital. It's on Google as a free PDF.

History - read books on when certain chemotherapy and other inventions were made and how certain people in the past fought cancer and lived.

Christmas Presents from the kids

 Christmas is about giving and that's what my kids look forward to. They give each other presents and our budget is way less than $50 per kid. 

For family members, I shop at Salvation army or equivalent. So I buy presents for all the kids and adults including grandma and grandpa. Sometimes I grab a bargain at other places like Kmart or the post office or online. 

Each kid wants to give to each adult. There are 3 kids and 4 adults including grandparents, so each person gets to give 6 gifts. Multiply that by all the kids. I like to give them separate from my hubby as well, so that just adds up... That's a lot of gifts... 

This year, I plan to do it the other way around -- instead of youngest open presents first, it's youngest gives the presents first. So she gets to give to everyone in the family and watch them open the presents she gave them (and wrapped to the best of her ability).

I also have pillowcases in case she doesn't do a good job wrapping and gives up. So the pillowcases would go into the Christmas paper bags. I also have Christmas type cloth to wrap the bigger presents.

Im trying to keep paper wrappers for non family members and family members have reusable like cloth or stockings or pillowcases or gift pouches. I don't mind investing in those because they get reused each year and will save in the long run. Plus, super easy for the kids, and no mess! Just put it in and pull the string!

I'm also doing an Advent calendar from Matt 1 and Luke 1 all the way until Christmas... With devotionals and activities for the kids leading up to the rest of the curriculum for next year because we need to go through the Bible each year.

Also plan to do a really good Birthday Cake for Jesus.. was planning to put something like "Blessed Birthday, Babe" haha 😆

Nursing in Church

 Think you should talk to your church pastors that there's not enough room to nurse in them nursery. Something is not right. They need to rethink the nursery room space. It is a good problem but they need to know about it.

Public Nursing may be convenient but may not be helping our men who are struggling with the issue of lust. We don't want to be a stumbling block in church. Especially when they're not strangers, but people you know. My opinion anyway.

Unless you have ninja skills like half the moms do. I don't use nursing clothes. I just pull my shirt up.

Love and respect

My husband is a changed man now. He still nags every now and then but I let it in one ear, out the other and out the window. The truth is that men nag more than women. It's not just your husband. Don't feel unlucky in any way. You did not get married to a rotten apple. Men are men.

He is now much happier and tries his very best to be nice to the kids. He blows up at them every now and then but is no longer a monster the whole day. He is trying to talk nicely to them and even started 'teasing' with them a little which is really the best he can do. But they seem to like it.

He has finally signed himself up for a course after not working for a year and a half, and not knowing what to do with his life. Now he actually has a plan to take up welding so he can work for a certain company.

He takes the kids to a megachurch nearby but without me -- I refuse to go because I am actually pastoring in my parents church I grew up in, albeit online -- it's been hard for my kids to go to an online church. I'm working on this.

Sometimes we have to choose between saving a situation or saving your marriage. Let him make mistakes. Some people only learn the hard way. Men are some people.

He deserves your respect. At all times. Even when he is wrong. To men, respect is love. They can't tell the difference. Failing to respect is failing to love. Taking over the wheel when he makes a mistake is not respect, and not love.

I have been the only one apologizing the entire time -- I complained to God about that but whenever my husband gets angry at me, He still gives me scripture like "if your brother sins against you and repents, you are still to forgive him up to 77X7 times". And I am like... "But he didn't repent.. I am the one apologizing all the time, this is so unfair!" But I know what God means, I just don't understand why I have to be the one apologizing all the time. I really wanted to call this marriage off so many times. Like what's the point of a marriage without love, right? But there is love -- somewhere in the future, I just couldn't see it yet. 

God wanted me to win my husband over. I am not saying I did, but I can say I tried and it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

We are still living with my parents -- we bought a house together -- it was our loan and their down payment. And I know a lot of people wouldn't agree to this but we are asians and in our culture, one of the kids has to live with parents because sending them to aged care is "the most heartless and irresponsible thing one can do".

Divorce is certainly the devil's way out to destroy families for generations-- not just yours but your kids' and their children; it hardly ever ends.

My husband wants me to work to earn 'big money' as I am more highly educated. When we got together, I was actually his employer. So I guess that made me suspicious like -- is he marrying me for the money -- because he keeps nagging about me not working and not bringing in money. But I am a homeschooling mom and my kids come first so it is non-negotiable. He still nags about that but less.

 It all started when I saw someone post about "how can I love my husband more?". It really inspired me and I needed more, but I also needed to fix my marriage so I complained about it in another post, and I thought I was going to get pity parties but I had a nice whipping from more than half the moms about respect, and they turned the tables back on me and made me realize that I wasn't as perfect as I thought. And couldn't figure out how they were right on about certain things that I did not even share. 

So I started giving my husband massages in the morning. Felt super cheap as it went against what I thought of how women should be respected. But I think that was the turning point in my marriage. 

I also learned not to answer back. The stuff he was saying was really 'toxic' and 'bad for my mental health' and many will say, 'verbal abuse', and to get a divorce for my own good but that's all new age woke thinking that has crept into our church. Women are not lame-brained. We aren't that weak. And our loveless marriage is not loveless until both parties give up loving. 

Lately, I also bumped into a reel about asking my spouse, "What can I do to love you today?" And he was so touched that he even asked me back that question. 

So, nothing fancy but I just persist in loving my husband by doing whatever he needs help in, lay my lady-ego aside, and my 'rights' as a women, my 'independence', and 'feminism' -- I am not saying you have any but I sure did. I don't have to prove anything and neither do I need to make him regret everything by "finally leaving" him. 

And I sure can't force him to love me. God gave him a dream that I packed my bags to leave with the kids, and he was totally heartbroken. But I have to say that it was all God and I didn't do that one.

I have no more expectations on him, not even to earn money. I do whatever I can like I am a single mother. And if the house is messy, so be it. I don't tell him to do any chores -- even when he is not working. But on his own, he does the laundry and washes the dishes. A man can't be a man by being told what to do, so I don't tell and I don't expect. He can choose to do nothing and still have my respect and love and he knows that.

The Angry Father

Hungry people are angry people. That’s why it’s so important to make it a point to have fruit time an hour before meals for two reasons: one, to keep anger at bay, and secondly, for enzymes. 

It’s quite obvious who is at fault. And mama bear being mama bear would definitely defend the kids and put dad in his place. Been there, done that. It’s only natural. 

But what is the right thing to do as a mom and wife? Lashing back will only ruin what’s left of that marriage. If the dad complies, calling the dad out privately is the best answer there is. Try to calmly explain the situation to him and encourage him to apologize for his bad behavior.

If he doesn’t comply, just keep quiet or even remind your kids of the importance of speeding up when daddy gives an instruction…… and teach them to communicate better— that should acknowledge that she has heard him and are working on obeying and request extra time if necessary. Then, when daddy is not around, remind them again that they are loved, and that daddy didn’t mean it, and that violence is wrong, and pray for them after. They will certainly meet people like that in the future and they have to learn to deal calmly with them. They’re going to copy everything you do.

I’m guessing, he didn’t just count to three. He was probably nagging before that and was bothered by the fact they weren’t giving him any respect, by not keeping their stuff immediately. For a dad to have to demand respect and obedience to the point of losing his sanity does say something about the respect he thinks he has not been receiving. His actions are all about, “I’m going to teach you a lesson so that you will,…” Let’s fill in the blanks from there: “…obey me immediately and quickly.”

That was the result he wanted. But the way he demanded it was wrong. Kids who respond at that speed should be responding excitedly, not in fear. 

Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. And not take sides.

Sounds like he had a traumatic past of physical and verbal abuse from his father. And simply doesn’t know better. 

Unfortunately, you might have to have a safe place for your kids to do their work where he will not be affected or even pass by. The kitchen table isn’t it.

1 CORINTHIANS 13 FOR MOMS

If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place,

but have not love,

I am a housekeeper not a homemaker.

If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements,

but have not love,

my children learn cleanliness not godliness.

If I scream at my children when they don’t follow instructions,

get frustrated and fault them for every mess in our house,

and have no grace and love

my children learn that Mom cares more about having things done exactly her way

than about listening to the needs and hearts of her children.

Love leaves the dust in search of a child’s laugh.

Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.

Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.

Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.

Love accepts the fact that I am the ever-present “mommy,”

the taxi-driver to every childhood event,

the counselor when my children fail or are hurt.

Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, and runs with the child,

then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood.

Before I became a mother I took glory in having it altogether.

Now I glory in knowing that God’s in control and His grace is sufficient for each day.

All the projections I had for my house and my children

have faded away into insignificance,

And what remain are the memories of my kids.

Now there abides in my home scratches on most of the furniture,

dishes with missing place settings,

and bedroom walls full of stickers, posters, and markings,

But the greatest of all is the Love

that permeates my relationships with my children.

-adapted from 1 Corinthians 13 by Jim Fowler

Doubly churched

 Our church we now join online because it is the church I grew up in and the church I am still serving in as a pastor but we have moved overseas. I still preach every weekend and worship lead. My parents are the founders and often go back several times a year. It is complicated indeed.

A year ago, I fell in love with a local church. It was difficult for my kids to cope with an online church so they liked the idea of attending a church on site. My hubby and I served playing the piano there for a year just to “help out” but eventually, was called in weekly. It started to seem like we were regulars when that was not my intention, even though I loved that church deeply. I prayed about it and soon left it. I believe it was not a coincidence that it just so happened to be exactly a year since we stepped into that church. Maybe God allowed us to serve there for a year just to teach me something about ministry.

My husband now takes the kids to a nearby mega church or the Salvation Army on Sundays and then come back to join me and my parents online for church, worship leading, etc. 

It really is complicated and I don’t wish it on anyone else.

That being said, I don’t believe in doing church anymore. And I am sick and tired of what humans have made God’s Kingdom look like. There is no “stealing sheep” or “my church, your church” in heaven. I don’t think Jesus will have to choose one church to attend every Sunday. 

Then again, I believe that church is a spiritual family. And then, there is the matter of commitment and covenant. I believe a church is a family you are called to. And that it is a match made in heaven, so called. 

Rather confusing, as everything else is. Everyone is different and given a different assignment in different seasons.

Content with content

YouTube money can be just from ads for content or by selling a product.

I strongly advise you to pray about what products or what video content to create because it is a ministry and not just about money. Marketplace is a ministry and we are ministers of God and we minister to God in the marketplace. 

What is your calling? You only have one life to live. Time is life. Don't just go where the money is because time can buy money but money can't buy time and time is life. Don't spend your life on money.. money is a servant, which Jesus says to use to buy relationships. We can earn money but by doing what He calls -- seeking His kingdom means focusing your life on your calling and all these wealth will be added unto you.

I'm sure you know all that but sometimes we get carried away and start thinking what to promote to get the money in and what is in demand and then we start to get distracted and before we know it, a couple of decades of our lives are gone making worthless videos that bring in a lot of money but does not enrich the lives of the people watching. So if it's a product the Lord has put on your heart, a product it is. But if it is just content, be content with content. Don't worry about the money.

Lighting the Night

Someone brought up an interesting concept of Halloween that I am still pondering on..

Her post:

"The Night of Halloween"

'Twas the night of Halloween

And all through the town

All the Christians were hiding 

There were none to be found

Their porch lights were off

Their doors tightly locked

And they simply ignored it

If a child came and knocked

They claimed to be standing 

Against evil that night

Yet their decision to hide

Had caused Satan no fright

It was more like a gift 

That they let him run free

Instead of shining out Jesus

For the whole world to see

The children still came home

With bags full of treats 

Yet none could have said 

That his soul had been reached

For on that night that was darkest

The light hid away

Allowing old Satan 

To have his own way

And as I end this I wonder

What would Jesus have done?

When confronted with darkness 

Would he too have run?

Don't dare to believe it

My Christ would not fear

For when Satan came calling 

He would say I AM HERE!

-Written by Pastor Aaron Brant.

This is a copy paste of something one of our pastors wrote, and the reason why we "light the night"

This was written by Aaron Brant.

He was the secondary pastor and recently got his own head pastorship, at Barron Foursquare. 

We don't go out with candles and things, we set up on our porch with lights (Christmas lights on the porch) and some years we've handed out chili along with candy wrapped in a tract with church info, some years we've handed out cocoa/coffee, covid years it was just the candy.

It has such an impact on the community, that for five years after our pastors moved houses people still stopped by asking if this is where the chili is. 

Our goal is to be a light for Jesus, share the gospel and build relationships with the community, so that they want to come visit us and hear the gospel.

| End Post

What do you guys think? Some people say it's better than hiding in the basement.

Decision Maker

Is your husband wanting you to make all the decisions?

First, think about him, not you. That’s love, right? Not about your rights as a woman and spouse, but why he is doing what he is doing.

Men are made differently. If you read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, you’ll have a better understanding — that in their minds, it’s all about “Do I have what it takes to be a man?” But when that man does not have confidence in himself, he would push all decision making on to you. My husband is just the same.

Why he doesn’t have confidence is probably the result of how he was brought up as a child - violence at home, abusive father, etc.

So, now knowing the reason behind it, there are a few things to do as a wife:

1. Make the decisions and take the blame for everything. Your husband has given this job to you because he doesn’t want to take the blame. The truth is, no matter what decision you make, he will complain and point the finger at you. And if you choose not to make the decision, he will be upset with you either way. So just take the blame, the complains, the nagging, etc. but don’t take any of it personally, and definitely don’t take it to heart. Let it out the other ear and out the window.

2. He needs assurance that he does have what it takes to be a man. Praise him for every minor thing he actually does. His inability to provide fhis family is making his self esteem even worse than it was before. So cut him some slack and give him a pet on the back for the slightest of things. Men want to hear that they are needed and wanted. They want to hear that they are a real man. So lots of praise directly and indirectly — tell your kids to respect him and honor him. Be appreciative for everything he does, and love a ton.

3. Lower your expectancies to a complete zero. You heard me. Don’t expect anything at all. Not even taking out the trash. If he wants to do it, let him do it without you mentioning it. Don’t ask him for any favors or to do anything at all if possible. Why? Because he can’t be a man just by following the instructions of a woman — or at least, he won’t think he can. Let him make the initiative. If everything falls on you and you can’t cope and end up with a dirty house and get scolded for it, so be it. Let the complains be in the ear and out the window. Just do your best, and let him think for himself. Don’t do the thinking for him. 

4. Love, love, love. This group has helped me so much in this area. I also watched a short clip on someone saying that every morning, he would ask his wife, “How do you want me to love you today?” And he has to do whatever she says. I tried this and I know he was touched and changed. Before that, I would also give him a massage in the morning (totally against my ‘honor women’ culture), but it shows love.

5. Pray for him, of course. I’m sure you’re already doing that.

Whatever I am telling you is from my own experience. He’s a gem now. Before this, I was in a loveless marriage. So I’m glad for what I have now.

Now my husband did his own research to find a course on engineering, made up his mind on getting a job on welding, started working on DIY projects all around the house, and is a sweet, loving hubby. And started correcting the kids gently. He is a totally changed man. Occasionally turns into his old self but only when dinner is late, he doesn’t have enough sleep, or kids screw up, we’re late for an appointment, etc. but on normal days, he is a great husband and father.

The Loveless Marriage

Your husband may sound like a terrible person. That’s because he chooses to be. He doesn’t need to always be that way. 

Sometimes it helps to suck it up and pretend like you’re a single mom already. I highly discourage you to go head on with him on this — like demand he man up. There’s no way getting love that way. That’s doomed to fail. I hope you’ve not done that before. 

There’s a difference between fighting for your rights and fighting for your marriage because you can’t have both. If it’s rights you want, it’s rights you get and you lose your marriage. But if it’s marriage you want, it’s rights you loose but down the road, there is possibility for love and rights.

Most women these days choose rights and lose everything. They’ll go to court for it. And they’ll win. But they leave empty hearted with a broken family. 

It may take years to come around but it will help if you pretend you’re already a single mom on one end and try your best to love on the other hand — may not be too late to try saving this marriage. Say nice things about him to your kids, make sure he hears you say that. Have them buy or make him something — may be small.

If you only have a few years left to save this marriage knowing how it will end, don’t miss this opportunity to save it. You don’t want to look back and tell yourself, “if only I did this or that, or tried harder”.

People will tell you he’s not worth it, or that you’re demanding too much of yourself but that’s love. It’s so worth it. Especially if it works. I don’t want to give you false hope but hope is the only thing we can hold on to when there is no love.

Look at yourself in the mirror, put on some make up, care for your hair, dress well. It helps to look appealing. That’s love, too. And food. Make his favorites. Treat him like the king of the house. Tell the kids you made his favourite because he is their dad and he deserves it. If he is working to support his family, he is not all that bad. See the best in him and focus on those. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate. Teach your kids to appreciate. Give these last few years all you’ve got. 

I know he sounds like he is doing you a favor to hang around and that his life would be better without you and the kids in it, but we all know he is wrong. He doesn’t need to find out the hard way. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate. Love, love, love. If you don’t have any love left in your cup, Jesus has plenty. It will overflow to you when you come to Him. And it will flood you.

If you need ideas to find work, try Facebook marketplace. You can look for work there, or post him as available for work, and even join some local community groups to post about your husband needing work. I know it’s not your job to do this. It really isn’t, especially without receiving love, but it’s really the last chance we have.

Also, this next suggestion may not seem appropriate to some but I do suggest having a check on his phone when he’s not around to see if he has porn in it. Check previous websites in history. Or recently watched videos in YouTube. Check even Facebook reels.

Most importantly, to pray and appreciate him for anything if you can. It’s hard but a loveless marriage is not loveless until you give up loving. 

I found my love in Jesus. And He is all I need.

Comment:

Aurel B:

💯  all of this!! I too went through a season of this she shares. And I was close to giving up, until godly woman told me this was spiritual warfare, that it was the enemy trying to split our  marriage to get to out children next. When I saw how serious I'm the spirit this was. God started to transform me, and the husband I once was resenting for all the pain he caused me, I felt so much grace,so much I cried for him, knowing and seeing he too needed Jesus,and the enemy was truly coming for him having a blast destroying him as he used him to destroy our marriage and family.  They don't know, but when God catches our attention and shows us, and we know we can't just let the enemy get away with destroying what is so precious to God. Marriage  and family. 

We are not alone  when God Is with us and we let Him take our battles. Help us ad instruct us out part, which is prayer,Intercession for husbands salvation,  and LOVING, RESPECTING HIM AS GOD COMMANDS.  TO DO OUR PART AS WIVES, to do unto our husbands as we were doing unto the Lord. Everything changes when we do it God's way and not let the enemy use our temporary emotions get the best of us. The process may hurt. But with Jesus taking charge. It is worth seeing the miracles he is still doing in broken, dead and gone marriages. He is still a healer. He is the resurrection power!, He is still a redeemer. And if He is for us  who dare against us. When HE IS GREATER IN US, than he who is in this world wreaking havoc destroying marriages, destroying children through broken families. 

Do not let him (the true enemy) get away with this! My restored marriage of brokenss of 17 years was not the last one God healed and restored. He is still in the business of restoration, redemption, healing, resurrection dry bones!! Speak live, love and truth! Over your marriage, your husband  truth! What the word of God says! Even if you feel crazy saying things that aren't, but thats what faith is! 

When I discovered that marriage was meant to make us HOLY, not primarily happy (though this does matter to God to) that was the day I took God's way of doing things as hard and painful as it was. I just couldn't let the enemy have this man thar was my husband,  I couldn't let him have my kids  and if God chose me little me, than I was going to trust God's ways not mines. 

What the enemy has meant for evil, even this God wil turn it for yalls good and he will get the glory! 

Ask God to help you see your husband through HIS (GODS) EYES. AND ASK Jesus to love your husband THROUGH YOU. (BECAUSE IT EILL BE VERY DIFFICULT ONYOUR OW FLESH TO DO SO) . 

WE LITTERALY NEED JESUS TO EMBODY US TO GO THROUGH THIS IN BROKEN MARRIAGES,WITH 2 BROKEN PEOPLE. BUT THANK GOD HE IS ALONE IS GOD AND HE CAN MENDS ALL BROKEN THINGS WITH HIS LOVE. 

DO NOT GIVE UP. 

YOUR HUSBAND MAY THINK HE IS DONT YOU a favor by staying. But you JOINING ARMS WITH GOD TO TAKE OVER AND LEAD YOU HIS WAYS IS FAR GREATER FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY. DO IT HIS WAY! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT. 

SPEND TIME WATCHING SERMONS ON MARRIAGE, TRUE MEANING OF MARRIAGE AND WHY ITS PRECIOUS TO GOD. SPEND TIME LISTENING TO SERMONS  ON SPIRIT WARFARE in marriage,  do not give time to the enemy to think of the pain your husband has caused. The enemy will know what type of games to play in your mind to continue to destroy you. Fill you mind instead with all things BIBICAL TEACHINGS AND WARFARE ON MARRIAGE.  WHICH WILL BE TRUTH ⚔️📖 THat fills you. It is WRITTEN! AND TELL THAT TO THE ENEMY WHILE HE TRIES TO FILL YOUR MIND WITH ALL THF HURT OF TODAY OR EVEN PAST IN MARRIAGE.  

YOU BELONG TO JESUS. YOUR HUSBAND BELOMGS TO JESUS  AND AS HIS WIFE YPU HAVE Authority to fight and intercede for Him. 

I have plenty of sermons you can start listening too, and gill your heart and ind with God's truth on how to handle this HIS WAYS!

Anxiety Disorder

 Read John 14 everyday. This chapter changed my life.

Are you on any sort of caffeine: coffee, tea, coke?

I get anxiety attacks with coffee and tea.

Lazy teens

A teen is not a kid anymore. Then again, boys mature about 3 years slower, so just take that into account. 

When faced with lazy teens, we need to find out the root issue — is it a spirit of laziness? It has to be addressed. He needs to know that it is a spirit and not him. And that he has to fight it. And what happens when spirits like that are not warded off. And how they can ultimately possess a person when entertained and given into.

If it’s not laziness, it is a lack of motivation. What do they really have in mind that is really bothering them or they are inspired about and work on that.

Introvert Host

 I’m an intro too.. I started with a Facebook page for those interested.

Perhaps get their input — what would they like to cover during the fellowship - what really helps?

Most important thing is to talk to God — need the rhema word of God for the kairos time you are in. You need to know what God is saying to each individual. 

Don’t meet up for the sake of meeting up but really just fulfil the desires of His heart for the people and being an introvert helps you to log out from the conversation at hand and tune in to what God is saying at that point of time. Try to be sensitive to Him.

Too many people pleasers out there. The hunger for the spirit is real. Give them real, give them God.

Baptism and sinless after

1. Jesus was baptized 

2. Jesus’ disciples baptized

3. Jesus commissioned us to baptize

4. Ephesians 4:22 talks about putting off the old man. 

This means leaving your past behind and you are not that person. Your dead body is buried and you are now alive because of Christ in you. So the devil cannot point his finger at you and condemn you for your past sins because that person is dead, and you are not that person. You are a new creation.

If Christ is in you, Hebrews 6:4-6 says we cannot crucify again the son of God. 

2 Peter 2:

For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning. 21 For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them. 22 But it has happened to them according to the true proverb: “A dog returns to his own vomit,” and, “a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire.”

1 John 3:

4 Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness. 5 And you know that He was manifested to take away our sins, and in Him there is no sin. 6 Whoever abides in Him does not sin. Whoever sins has neither seen Him nor known Him.

7 Little children, let no one deceive you. He who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous. 8 He who sins is of the devil, for the devil has sinned from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. 9 Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him; and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God.

Usually when a person sins after baptism, it’s because they didn’t get it the first time. Either they were not baptized in the spirit and gotten the full revelation or was not fully immersed. Or some was baptized at an early age and understood but did not have the maturity or self control as they were still growing up.

Everyone has sin, that’s why Jesus died but after being born again in Him, there should not be any sin. No kidding.

Moving to Australia 🇦🇺

1 MONTH BEFORE:

Those that shipped their furniture here regretted it — old furniture that have no value here, wanted to have a fresh start but having so many old items, in the end, they end up giving everything away that they shipped here to buy new stuff. One even shipped a piano here, and gave it away for free to buy a new one.

Leave something behind for the people you love and you will miss. Especially family. Because when that time comes to say goodbye, you will want to give them the world.

Take it as a fresh start - a home you can redo from scratch, a new beginning for your family, a new life.

Appliances have different adapters, so keep that in mind too.. don’t bring electronics with Malaysian adapters

Getting Rid of Stuff (In Malaysia):

If there are stuff that nobody wants and you can’t get rid of, there is Salvation Army in Malaysia that will sometimes even come to your house to pick it up furniture for you. I did that before in Malacca. They took everything we needed to get rid of.

There was also a Christian Preloved Shop in Citta Mall near old airport road in PJ that sells second hand clothes and toys.

Take it as giving these items to the Lord as an offering.

Kmart.com.au > Clothes > Sort > Low to High

When my parents go back to Malaysia, my brother would order his clothes from Kmart for us to buy back for him…

Think of it as— your kids get a new wardrobe when they come. They get to pick out a new style, start fresh again, have a new life

Sometimes we need to let go of the old in order to crossover into a new season. It’s painful but it’s going to be life changing.

If you are unsure about whether you should bring or leave behind something, just check the Kmart app and Facebook Marketplace for Adelaide prices.

Toiletries are cheap here too, if you’re not fussy.

3 Weeks Before:

When we first came, all these were either free or dirt cheap:

- furniture

- clothes

- food

- toys

- kitchen appliances, cutleries, etc.

- Christmas decorations

- linen (curtains, bedding, etc.)

Now, I usually buy these in Australia to bring back to Malaysia (other than furniture).

Free Furniture:

When we came here, we almost furnished the whole house for free (aside from my parents’ mattress and bed).

Facebook Marketplace > Furniture

Gumtree > Furniture

Cheap Furniture:

Even if you don’t like the free furniture, you can get decent ones here for a bargain.

New Furniture:

We didn’t buy furniture from ikea.. we bought online.

There are a few websites I have tried and is legit:

Catch.com.au 

Amazon and eBay

MyDeal.com.au

TommySwiss

And there’s Bunnings.

Kmart has furniture too. But they’re shelving is a bit small.. but similar to IKEA style. 

I’ve not tried Temple & Webster but they should be reliable.

2 Weeks Before:

Packing:

What to bring to Australia: (just my suggestion)

- Something you cannot buy here

- sentimental items

- really good quality or new clothes and stuff worth flying over 

- whatever you need on Day 1 of your arrival (toiletries, clothes)

- Asian food you cannot buy here or cost a lot here (baba curry powder, CNY stuff, ang pow packets (no kidding) etc.)

The stuff that has no value in Malaysia cost a lot here and vice versa.

What to do with the rest:

- sell everything, turn to cash and bank it in

- give away to friends and family 

- give to Salvation Army or that shop in Citta Mall

Bring light weight things, and branded stuff,…

And keep in mind border control rules — No natural or organic products allowed in. My sisters’ family lost a lot when border control went through their bags and threw away a ton of food products when they migrated here. It was very sad because they were expensive health products.

My older sister taught us that whatever happens, never choose ‘nothing to declare’. Always declare medication or supplements or if really nothing, just declare the soil on your shoes because if you declare nothing and they find something, the penalty is very high.

If you’re unfortunate and get a fussy border control personnel,… you will need a letter for medication.

They can be really nice or really mean.

Supplements is allowed but they’re cheap here. I buy supplements here and bring home.

1 Week Before:

Electricity:

Don’t forget to book to get electricity connected in advance — may need to do a fair bit of research as to which electricity company you want. Need to book at least 24 hours before.

Filling up the house:

Urgent (in order):

1. Electric Kettle

- can be ordered online but get them to leave it in a safe place as you might not be around to sign when they drop it off prior to your arrival, or self-collect

2. Mattresses (not necessarily beds, unless you have issues getting up from the floor)

3. 

Also, deliveries can be a life saver. So when we move into a new house, sometimes we preorder and get them to send furniture (online), groceries (Woolworths, Coles) and etc to our house so they arrive on Day 1 or pick them up from the shop if they can’t arrive on a specific day (eBay, Kmart).

Day 1:

Walking into an empty house together as a family is always a life-changing and precious moment. It won’t be empty for long.

Enjoy starting your new beginning here: enjoy shopping and don’t rush into decisions you’re not ready to make, especially if it’s not urgent. Focus on the most important stuff: like mattress to sleep on. Other furniture can get during your first week: don’t stress it all at once. Enjoy the time shopping with the family — moving into a new country is usually a once in a lifetime chance, so make sweet happy memories with the family and thank God every step of the way.

And when you move in, take note which is your rubbish day of the week in your area. The rubbish bin is small but needs to last a week. So take note to put food scraps into green bin and recyclables into yellow bin.

too expensive

Too expensive? This perfect opportunity to teach them about money, and how it works. This is the time to introduce business to your kids so they understand the meaning of profit. They have to learn how to earn money rather than working for money. Empower them by equipping them with the know how to self sufficiency. Teach them to plant things with monetary value and sell them; teach them to bake cookies; teach them to buy and sell items, etc. and they can use that to buy their snacks. Snacks are not out of the budget and not too expensive, they just didn’t earn the money for that yet, which they can freely do.

Toddlers sit in

Having toddlers and younger in a service is relatively easy if you have 5 different things for him:

- are you allowed food or drinks inside? My daughter loves munching on cornflakes 

- if you have space, you can even roll out a small play mat with roads for his imagination to run

- usually a bunch of stationary and blank paper or coloring paper is a good start, followed by sticker books, after that, move on to the toys when he is bored 

- a basket of toys but don’t take them all out at once. Take them out one by one. Give the next toy when he is getting restless. Start with the most boring one and then the better toys last. Hide them all.

- last resort is electronics. If all else fails, he can see photos or muted videos of himself during the week.

Dream them into being

Brittany Parker, Children and Youth Ministry Coordinator, and Homeschooling mother of a large family, Blue Earth, Minnesota:

 I had a dream recently that really put a new perspective on my children’s struggles. 

I was reminded of how God addresses people in the Bible. He calls them what He sees they will become. 

He called Moses to do what Moses was not. 

He called Saul when he was as opposite a potential to be used by God as could possibly be. 

He told a shepherd boy he would be king. 

God is always proclaiming the impossible to the very person who it would seem impossible to. Yet He proclaims the victory that He sees forthcoming in their lives as though it weren’t up for debate. He knows who He called them to be and He believes they will step up to the calling. 

My son struggles with anger and honesty. When I woke from this dream a clear image of him was in my mind.

Terrified for his future if he should stay on his path I was constantly trying to improve him. Help him see his wrong and calling out his failures. 

That morning I began a very new and different tactic. So strange it made me uncomfortable and struggling to find the right words. 

I began to tell my son who He was as Christ saw him- covered by the blood and righteousness of Christ. 

It was hard trying to find moments to speak into his life while still being truthful. But I seized everyone I could. I also began to be silent on much of his shortcomings. 

This has been about 3 weeks now and not only am I seeing changes as he begins to desire to become the boy I describe him to be, but I begin to believe that he WILL become exactly who God meant him to be. 

I don’t know if this helps, but I thought I would share it with you. 💗

Killjoy

 Just like reading, writing is a joy. But when we see it as work, they will see it as work. I write stories in my free time and my kids love reading them. I incorporate history into my stories or science fiction. Also, a lot of Christian values.

When children see how enjoyable writing is, they will fall in love with it.

I do not teach my kids spelling. It’s a killjoy. My daughter just loves reading and writing and I do correct her spelling and teach her to mark her own papers. She does the marking while I tell her what went wrong with it. She just did a Year 4 government exam and scored the highest band. She only had one wrong over 29 questions. 

I don’t teach grammar or spelling. As an English teacher myself, I only learn what verbs and nouns were when I had to teach them in class. No kidding.

As for math, my daughter did 2 workbooks and still struggle with it. She scored Band 2. I need a better approach to math. Meanwhile, she is in love with algebra. And only turning 10 end of this year. So I will be changing my approach to math as well and teach everything from the algebra approach just because she loves it.

Zzzz

 Falling asleep without intending to? What you really need is sleep, not a caffeine. Please get some sleep.

I don’t drink anything - no strong drinks, no coffee, no soda. I just try to nap before 10pm. Two hours of sleep after 12am is equivalent to 1 hour of sleep before 12am. So try to sleep early and wake up early, and you will be more rested.

Unto God

 When we look to humans to meet our emotional needs, humans ALWAYS fail. But God NEVER fails. Everyday, when you wake up, talk to Him and don’t stop till you sleep. Even in the middle of the night, when you wake up, talk to Him. The Holy Spirit speaks all the time— it’s a matter of whether we are listening.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Read His Word day and night. Ask God to speak to you through His Word. Ask Him for a Book, Chapter number and Verse Number, then open to it.

Whoever and however you serve, serve not unto man but as unto the Lord. 

Col 3

[23] And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; [24] Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

As for your kids, praise. Even if they don’t do anything but show up looking pretty, praise them for their looks. Find the slightest things to praise them for, praise them everyday. And you will see a change.

Hope this helps.

Too many kids?

 I think sometimes, it is easy to give in to pressure and be apologetic for something you do not need to apologize for. When people categorize you as someone who is less dominant, even the non-dominant tend to be dominant just because you’re a rabbit. (I don’t have a better term for it.) You’re meek, humble and obliging? You please people? Don’t be apologetic for something God has commanded you to do — be fruitful and multiply. Go ahead and offend them if it has to do with the truth or God’s first instruction to humankind and to you.

In Bible times, women used to bribe (Rachel and Leah) in order to have more kids. Not having kids are a curse. Over the years, women who do not have kids or are single or those who did not want to offend them tried to cover their shame by shaming those who are blessed with lots of children, so the tides have changed, culture has changed and the blessed are the cursed.

Teaching kids about Christ

Just be careful not to turn Christianity into a religion. Testimonies are powerful. Share your own experiences with Jesus — not just the old ones but the more recent experiences with Him so your kids know He is real and watching. Also, family altar is crucial. And most of all your personal devotion, prayer and worship time with the Lord. Make sure they see you do these things. Bedtime stories are testimony sharing times, too. Make long bedtime prayers until they fall asleep but in your prayers, always mentioning about relationship with Him and talk to Him like a friend.

Narcissism

You can pray for them and win them over with the Love of Christ, or you can let go and move on. 

It is always worth fighting for a family member. It is a relationship worth saving. There are ways to deal with a narcissist. Take nothing personally, but love, love, love. And yes, you can do it. Because you have Jesus. Others don’t. It won’t take long before you see changes. At the end of the day, if nothing works, at least you tried. 

Moving away physically does not protect you. It still plays in your mind and has allowed you to be hurt. What will heal you is to heal that hurting narcissist. And if words did the damage, then it’s words that will heal the hurt. Say something nice to the narcissist and keep on at it. Don’t ruin your future just because of someone else’s hurt. 

Even after winning a narcissist over, there are relapses and you have to win them over again but it gets better over time. Just don’t give up.

Forgive the Fathers

Forgiveness is acknowledging what they have done but not holding a grudge; instead, it is choosing love over hate. And choosing grace over condemnation.

Unforgiveness is punishing yourself for the mistakes of others; to ‘do justice’ without actually doing justice. It is name calling and shaming in the name of a grudge. It does not give power or voice to anyone but the devil — the Spirit of Unforgiveness. The outcome is eternal death.

“Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”

Mark 11:25-26

“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

Matthew 6:14-15

14 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

#ForgivetheFathers

No investments?

 If you are worried about expenditure, you are right. Especially if you don’t have any form of investments at the moment. I would invest your savings until it grows bigger. It’s an issue of whether to eat the seed or to plant it. Even if you bought something of value for $350 and sold it for $450, you are making some profit. Consider your investment options - shares, crypto or just plain old fashioned investing like in a lemonade stand or investing in your kid’s businesses.

If your family is dependent on a sole income, without any passive income or even fixed deposits in the bank (which should be the last investment resort based on the parable of the talents), then you will remain in a never ending cycle of poverty. But once you have some form of investment, no matter how small, it is a seed and will grow so that you can be financially independent — not dependent on a sole income — and then to be fully reliant on investments and live to serve the Lord and spend time your kids. I don’t think making money should be your priority until you sacrifice everything else but making money doesn’t always require hard work rather than good decisions.

Teen Chores

 Teenagers need to learn that no matter how busy life gets, chores need to be done. If they can’t cope as teens, they won’t cope when they have their own kids and have to juggle between work and home. I suggest give them chores like any single adult would need to do if they are living out. Any chore would do, but especially laundry, floor and kitchen. These are basics. I suggest each has a mixture of 3 different type of chores, not one person just doing laundry alone, so they have a more balanced chore chart to get used to real life.

Making own bed, tidying own desk and room, and doing own dishes and own laundry needs to be done without telling. Those aren’t counted. It’s like brushing teeth. Just a routine, not a duty. Nobody else should be doing any of these for them no matter who is on duty.

Possible

 It is possible to be in a marriage and not in a relationship.