Hungry people are angry people. That’s why it’s so important to make it a point to have fruit time an hour before meals for two reasons: one, to keep anger at bay, and secondly, for enzymes.
It’s quite obvious who is at fault. And mama bear being mama bear would definitely defend the kids and put dad in his place. Been there, done that. It’s only natural.
But what is the right thing to do as a mom and wife? Lashing back will only ruin what’s left of that marriage. If the dad complies, calling the dad out privately is the best answer there is. Try to calmly explain the situation to him and encourage him to apologize for his bad behavior.
If he doesn’t comply, just keep quiet or even remind your kids of the importance of speeding up when daddy gives an instruction…… and teach them to communicate better— that should acknowledge that she has heard him and are working on obeying and request extra time if necessary. Then, when daddy is not around, remind them again that they are loved, and that daddy didn’t mean it, and that violence is wrong, and pray for them after. They will certainly meet people like that in the future and they have to learn to deal calmly with them. They’re going to copy everything you do.
I’m guessing, he didn’t just count to three. He was probably nagging before that and was bothered by the fact they weren’t giving him any respect, by not keeping their stuff immediately. For a dad to have to demand respect and obedience to the point of losing his sanity does say something about the respect he thinks he has not been receiving. His actions are all about, “I’m going to teach you a lesson so that you will,…” Let’s fill in the blanks from there: “…obey me immediately and quickly.”
That was the result he wanted. But the way he demanded it was wrong. Kids who respond at that speed should be responding excitedly, not in fear.
Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. And not take sides.
Sounds like he had a traumatic past of physical and verbal abuse from his father. And simply doesn’t know better.
Unfortunately, you might have to have a safe place for your kids to do their work where he will not be affected or even pass by. The kitchen table isn’t it.
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