Failing motherhood?

 Completely normal. In every way. 

When my kids fight, I get them to kiss each other, hug and apologize. They get back to playing most of the time. If they don't apologize 'properly', they have to do it again until I am satisfied that it was kind and sincere-ish.

I also realize that they fight more when lunch or dinner is late. So I set the timer to stop for a fruit break in between like at 3.15pm.

Having only one kid help at a time is more realistic. One person helps for breakfast, a different person for dinner and a different person for a different chore. The rest has to do something else that may or may not be in the same room. A different room is better.

Laundry room is out of bounds for toddlers.. just about everything is out of bounds. Including toys. It will just be a huge mess if they help themselves to craft or toys without you around to watch what they do or remind them to clean up when they're done. No mess made = no mess to clean up. So eyes on them all the time to avoid mess. Only older kids get sent to another room.

Usually the same person quarrels with everyone and refuses to help out. This one needs extra love, a ton of cuddles, presents, and reassurances. Use all 5 love languages. Happens to also be the most cunning of all and capable. So give this one lots of praise and encouragement. And entrust with bigger stuff.. like more big sister big brother stuff.. like taking care of the littles, taking them potty, changing them, etc.

Also, chores are NOT your responsibility. They are EVERYONE'S responsibility. Your job is to supervise and delegate and to raise children who are responsible. Whatever methods necessary. Some people use star charts, point system, with snacks or games, even money. Do whatever works for your family and suits your belief system. But at the end of the day, the kids need to be responsible and reliable adults.