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Twisted Truth

I've never heard my husband been so passionate about anything in his life. But he was so expressive and raw and open about it. "That's why I hate you!" And "I'm so angry!". He said them twice just to confirm.

I felt liberated. The truth had set me free. He was no more pretending to love me. He could finally sincerely and genuinely express his true feelings for me, after all these years. 

I heard myself reply, "I want a divorce." It was mere illusion. I muttered not a word. I did the Christian thing -- I kept silent. I guess that was a good thing and that this tells us apart from the non-Christians. Others would have called it quits. What marriage is there when the underlying truth is that it was founded on hate? The whole point of marriage is love. Supposedly. But now we're dangling on covenant -- a contract, the law. And utter pretense.

I saw unforgiveness as a sort of barrier. A protection. Like if I harbored it, it would protect me from getting hurt by him again. Unforgiveness was in fact, the total opposite -- it meant harboring my hurt and dwelling on it. Forgiveness, on the other hand, was healing. It meant he could never hurt me again. That I moved on. That I didn't delve in this mud hole or got lost in it. It meant I was strong and that I helped myself out courageously. And he didn't even have to know.

20th March 2025
3 in the morning
But I'm going to have to backdate this, so the little eyes don't see

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