Sometimes, I think that being thankful is to be thankful for the things that You have already given me, but being thankful means to be thankful also for the things that You have not yet given me, but promised to give me, and I am very thankful indeed for those things.
Sometimes, I don’t receive it yet because the time is not yet. Timing is something that You stick to, and sometimes, You have already sent the letter but it takes time to arrive. I just have to wait around for it, look out for it. That’s all! It is already on the way =)
When they are God-given expectations, they will come to pass.
Others should not be my benchmark for me to believe that You can do something. Because You are full of surprises. Others are a poor benchmark because people in general have no or little faith to believe in the impossible. But if I want to see impossible things, that is the usual response I will get from normal people. Because if that is not the response I get, then I will know that it is a common thing which is highly possible – nothing extraordinary about that.
I am a very fortunate and a blessed person because I get to meet with You face to face. I get to meet up with You intimately, and not everyone has a chance to do that. And when I have met with You and I know clearly that I have met with You, then whatever You tell me in that meeting, I have no right to doubt anything because You have told it to my face. I don’t need any more confirmations. That is as clear as it gets.
Sometimes, when You speak to me, You speak to me in such a humble place that even I start to question if it is possible for something so true to come out of a dream. It’s the usual excuse people come up with when they talk about these things – it is so common until nobody seems to believe in it anymore – it is like the ultimate “no way”, out-of-the-world-nonsense known in Christianity and Church life. But if this is how You choose to speak to me, so be it.
I am like a little girl, sometimes. I feel almost insignificant, yet so important to You. I feel helpless, dependent, almost a liability. And yet, I feel so loved, so valued and so appreciated by You. It is so opposite. But this is how I feel. Dependent, fully on Your love.
Most of the time, when I pray, I am afraid that I may ask for the wrong thing. And much so if I don’t get it. It’s as if it is a confirmation that it is not Your will for me to have it. But there are some things that I ask for that IS Your will for me and yet I don’t get it because I do not ask in faith. When I ask and do not believe, it is equivalent to not asking.
Sometimes, You like to say, “test Me” or “Ask from me a sign”. But then I ask for something so possible, so usual. The question is, what is common? Or what is usual, and why should I select from one of those? If impossible things happen everyday and miracles are common, then what does it mean to be 'uncommon' and ‘beyond boundaries’? You are the God of everyday miracles. Because nothing is common and nothing is limited. And if You are a God of miracles, working in my life everyday, then there is no limit or ceiling to separate what is common from uncommon or a wall to distinguish between the two.
I know You always say, love You with all my heart. This includes believing in You with all my heart. With all my heart means that with all I am, I will believe in every word that You say to me. With all I am.
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