The Learned

as two nations mourn the death of a young girl laid to rest in peace finally she now lives eternally - Tribute to Megan, 2015-2020

Been there. It hurts and you wish it didn't. She's moved on but what you've got is an imagination of a potential that there might be something there for you but there really isn't and no, she's not going to change her mind about you. There's zero chance. You might even lose her as a friend. That's sad, too. The truth is things will never be the same again. Yes, you've got to let her go, both as a potential and a friend. That's love. To love a person so much, that you would let them go and be free to love someone they really do love, even if that person is not you. I don't usually say this, but go find a game you like to play, get some dopamine and enjoy yourself. She's gone. Also, depending on how long you have been close, that's how long it usually takes to get over it... 

He washes you clean by His blood.  1 John 1:7 But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. You also need to confess with your mouth:  1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. When all that is done, forgive yourself.

That's not nice. I hate having to do something that gives me anxiety. But then again, just about every job we have will give us a certain amount of it. If I were you, I'd try to forge a plan where I only have a certain amount of years left to do this while I work towards getting myself out of that misery. For example, save enough to buy a property you can rent out or learn to do some crypto trading. Something with less anxiety but enough to earn as much.

Brothers not asking how you're doing after you have left the nest?  I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Trust me, it's a guy thing. Don't take it personally. They mean well, just not very sociable. Think of a way you can still contribute to their lives and talk about something good you have in common.

Age is nothing. Nobody is counting. Also, don't wait till you graduate to write. Start a blog or YouTube channel and start writing now. If you don't have it in you, a degree is not going to help.