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Partner addicted to p***

Q: 

What should I do? He is the father of my child. Some say I should leave because he has repeatedly done this.


A:

Nobody is perfect. Leaving is the easy way out. Fight for your marriage and don't give in to the devil and don't give his soul up to the devil. Pray and enter into warfare for your family, your marriage and your husband.


Q:

We are living together, made a covenant together but not legally married because we are still saving up for a wedding. So I can't fight for a marriage - others say there is no marriage to fight for because we are not legally married.


A:

A covenant before God still requires witnesses for accountability. If you've been saving for a marriage, I propose to use the little you have now and make the most with it. At the moment, it's better than no wedding, if you get what I mean. Plus, it still takes time to make arrangements - 6 months or so. Scale down on quantity, more on quality. Only invite people who matter, instead of pleasing the crowd that doesn't. Elope if you have to. But don't save on the spiritual aspect. It is not just a covenant between two people but three -- it is a covenant made with God so make God in the Center of it, not yourselves.


It seems you've made a covenant with this man privately and want to honour that. You have also set your heart on a wedding. I honor this decision of yours because he is the father of your child and what God has put together, let no man separate. Start off with a Christian engagement ceremony. That will get things going. 


An engagement is not a proposal. It is a promise to marry, and it is before God. It is a time to devote yourselves to spiritual preparation towards a marriage. During that time, get baptized and walk away from old sins and habits. It is a season for transformation as you prepare to die to self, being crucified on the altar on your wedding day, just as Christ gave His life for the church, the man ought to give his life for his wife.


In the Jewish culture, the man doesn't even see his fiance until the wedding day, and during that time, he is mentored by his father who will decide when he is ready to be married. You don't have to do that but I strongly suggest he is mentored spiritually by a pastor he respects who cares about him as a father to him. Understand the root source of sexual immorality and how it links to fatherlessness. If you can fix this issue, it can change everything. Also, break every generational curse -- his own father probably had the same issues with porn addiction and sexual immorality.


This cancel culture intends to delete spouses like they can be replaced easily. Well, this man can't be deleted -- if left alone, he will still be addicted to porn and find someone else to disappoint and hurt. It is going to be a never ending cycle of betrayal and defeat. What he needs is Jesus. This will bring about a spiritual transformation that will bring healing, not just to this man but this family, yes, this is now a family. You heard that right. If people want to disagree about this being a marriage, they are legally right and probably spiritually right but this is a family, and there is no doubt about that. If you can't fight for your marriage, you can at least fight for your family.


I bless you and your husband-to-be to get legally married. An issue of the heart can always be fixed. Addiction can always be defeated. There is always hope for repentance and restoration in Jesus, up to 70x7, which means infinitely. But a broken family is the root cause of more sins, more generational curses and future issues. Your child growing up fatherless is going to continue this cycle of sexual immorality. I say it ends here and it ends now.


Save this man, save this marriage and save this family.



----


There are three things you need to overcome:


1. The root of the issue: fatherlessness

- this addiction stems from a history of fatherlessness and he needs healing in this area

- perhaps spiritual fathers he looks up to, to mentor him


2. Addiction

- even with spiritual fathers in his life, he needs the Holy Spirit to overcome his addiction that has already taken root


3. Break Generational Curses

- his own father could have been sexually immoral

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