Your husband may sound like a terrible person. That’s because he chooses to be. He doesn’t need to always be that way.
Sometimes it helps to suck it up and pretend like you’re a single mom already. I highly discourage you to go head on with him on this — like demand he man up. There’s no way getting love that way. That’s doomed to fail. I hope you’ve not done that before.
There’s a difference between fighting for your rights and fighting for your marriage because you can’t have both. If it’s rights you want, it’s rights you get and you lose your marriage. But if it’s marriage you want, it’s rights you loose but down the road, there is possibility for love and rights.
Most women these days choose rights and lose everything. They’ll go to court for it. And they’ll win. But they leave empty hearted with a broken family.
It may take years to come around but it will help if you pretend you’re already a single mom on one end and try your best to love on the other hand — may not be too late to try saving this marriage. Say nice things about him to your kids, make sure he hears you say that. Have them buy or make him something — may be small.
If you only have a few years left to save this marriage knowing how it will end, don’t miss this opportunity to save it. You don’t want to look back and tell yourself, “if only I did this or that, or tried harder”.
People will tell you he’s not worth it, or that you’re demanding too much of yourself but that’s love. It’s so worth it. Especially if it works. I don’t want to give you false hope but hope is the only thing we can hold on to when there is no love.
Look at yourself in the mirror, put on some make up, care for your hair, dress well. It helps to look appealing. That’s love, too. And food. Make his favorites. Treat him like the king of the house. Tell the kids you made his favourite because he is their dad and he deserves it. If he is working to support his family, he is not all that bad. See the best in him and focus on those. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate. Teach your kids to appreciate. Give these last few years all you’ve got.
I know he sounds like he is doing you a favor to hang around and that his life would be better without you and the kids in it, but we all know he is wrong. He doesn’t need to find out the hard way. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate. Love, love, love. If you don’t have any love left in your cup, Jesus has plenty. It will overflow to you when you come to Him. And it will flood you.
If you need ideas to find work, try Facebook marketplace. You can look for work there, or post him as available for work, and even join some local community groups to post about your husband needing work. I know it’s not your job to do this. It really isn’t, especially without receiving love, but it’s really the last chance we have.
Also, this next suggestion may not seem appropriate to some but I do suggest having a check on his phone when he’s not around to see if he has porn in it. Check previous websites in history. Or recently watched videos in YouTube. Check even Facebook reels and Facebook videos - no, they're not the same thing. Some videos are not porn but neither are they good for him -- are there women inappropriately dressed in them? Click 'Not Interested' and 'Don't recommend channel'. Guard your husband's heart like how you would guard your kids' hearts. Do the same for yourself.
Most importantly, to pray and appreciate him for anything if you can. It’s hard but a loveless marriage is not loveless until you give up loving.
I found my love in Jesus. And He is all I need.
Comment:
Aurel B:
💯 all of this!! I too went through a season of this she shares. And I was close to giving up, until godly woman told me this was spiritual warfare, that it was the enemy trying to split our marriage to get to out children next. When I saw how serious in the spirit this was. God started to transform me, and the husband I once was resenting for all the pain he caused me, I felt so much grace,so much I cried for him, knowing and seeing he too needed Jesus, and the enemy was truly coming for him having a blast destroying him as he used him to destroy our marriage and family. They don't know, but when God catches our attention and shows us, and we know we can't just let the enemy get away with destroying what is so precious to God. Marriage and family.
We are not alone when God Is with us and we let Him take our battles. Help us and instruct us our part, which is prayer,Intercession for husbands salvation, and LOVING, RESPECTING HIM AS GOD COMMANDS. TO DO OUR PART AS WIVES, to do unto our husbands as we were doing unto the Lord. Everything changes when we do it God's way and not let the enemy use our temporary emotions get the best of us. The process may hurt. But with Jesus taking charge. It is worth seeing the miracles he is still doing in broken, dead and gone marriages. He is still a healer. He is the resurrection power!, He is still a redeemer. And if He is for us who dare against us. When HE IS GREATER IN US, than he who is in this world wreaking havoc destroying marriages, destroying children through broken families.
Do not let him (the true enemy) get away with this! My restored marriage of brokenness of 17 years was not the last one God healed and restored. He is still in the business of restoration, redemption, healing, resurrection dry bones!! Speak live, love and truth! Over your marriage, your husband truth! What the word of God says! Even if you feel crazy saying things that aren't, but that's what faith is!
When I discovered that marriage was meant to make us HOLY, not primarily happy (though this does matter to God to) that was the day I took God's way of doing things as hard and painful as it was. I just couldn't let the enemy have this man that was my husband, I couldn't let him have my kids and if God chose me little me, than I was going to trust God's ways not mine.
What the enemy has meant for evil, even this God will turn it for yalls good and he will get the glory!
Ask God to help you see your husband through HIS (GODS) EYES. AND ASK Jesus to love your husband THROUGH YOU. (BECAUSE IT WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT ON YOUR OW FLESH TO DO SO) .
WE LITERALLY NEED JESUS TO EMBODY US TO GO THROUGH THIS IN BROKEN MARRIAGES,WITH 2 BROKEN PEOPLE. BUT THANK GOD HE IS ALONE IS GOD AND HE CAN MENDS ALL BROKEN THINGS WITH HIS LOVE.
DO NOT GIVE UP.
YOUR HUSBAND MAY THINK HE IS DONT YOU a favor by staying. But you JOINING ARMS WITH GOD TO TAKE OVER AND LEAD YOU HIS WAYS IS FAR GREATER FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY. DO IT HIS WAY! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.
SPEND TIME WATCHING SERMONS ON MARRIAGE, TRUE MEANING OF MARRIAGE AND WHY ITS PRECIOUS TO GOD. SPEND TIME LISTENING TO SERMONS ON SPIRIT WARFARE in marriage, do not give time to the enemy to think of the pain your husband has caused. The enemy will know what type of games to play in your mind to continue to destroy you. Fill you mind instead with all things BIBICAL TEACHINGS AND WARFARE ON MARRIAGE. WHICH WILL BE TRUTH ⚔️📖 THat fills you. It is WRITTEN! AND TELL THAT TO THE ENEMY WHILE HE TRIES TO FILL YOUR MIND WITH ALL THF HURT OF TODAY OR EVEN PAST IN MARRIAGE.
YOU BELONG TO JESUS. YOUR HUSBAND BELONGS TO JESUS AND AS HIS WIFE YOU HAVE Authority to fight and intercede for Him.
I have plenty of sermons you can start listening too, and fill your heart and mind with God's truth on how to handle this HIS WAYS!
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